Read this back to me for rhythm

You've lost your ear on a draft you've read fifty times.

Act as a reader hearing this poem aloud for the first time.

Go line by line and tell me:
- Where you would naturally pause, and whether the punctuation and lineation agree with that
- Where you ran out of breath, or where a sentence outstayed its welcome
- Where you had to re-read to parse the syntax
- Where the rhythm speeds up or slows down, and whether the content matches the change
- Which word in each line carries the weight when spoken

Then mark the single point where a listener's attention would most likely drift.

Describe what the voice does. Do not fix anything, and do not comment on the meaning of the poem at all.

Poem:

Sound and metre. Rhymes, scansion, and the read-aloud passes that tell you why a line trips in the mouth.